Going to Chavtown

OK, so it looks like I can no longer avoid undergoing the HUET safety training. The team lead wants me to go back to the KM but I can't go without the safety training. So I have to take the class where you get strapped into a seat, dumped into a swimming pool -- upside down -- and get out. All well and good if you're a swimmer, I guess. I'm not. Swimming isn't supposed to be a required skill but it certainly must help. I am not looking forward to it.

There is good news and bad news about this safety training. The good news is that they are sending me to the UK for it. So I get a brief break from Ghanamania. The bad news is they are sending me to Billingham. Billingham is a small industrial town in the northeast part of England. From what I gather the biggest attraction in town is a Woolworths.

You should know that in the UK there is a slang word chav for a subculture of young people who stereotypically wear track suits, baseball caps, and gaudy jelwery ("chav-wear"). They embrace hip hop and gang culture but are also racist; overall they are considered thieving miscreants, and are a subject of much derision and ridicule, in a similar way to the "redneck" culture back in the US. Billingham is apparently their capital city. You can read more about chavs here.



Now that you are prepared, here is what the Internet has to say about Billingham, courtesy of chavtowns.co.uk.

Built in the shadow of a large chemical factory, the cloud of violently toxic air around Billingham may explain the disproportionate number of chavs in such a small town. They breed in a corner of John Whitehead Park and pop out of little eggs that have a Fila logo on the side. Even the dogs are chavs in Billingham. * * *

The introduction of Heroin in the early nineties brought with it the evolution of the Chav who had to get out of bed in the morning to feed his habit. Their ghoulish presence around the Town Centre makes a trip to Woolworths an experience akin to waking up as an extra in ‘Zombie Flesh Eaters’. Even their grey little progeny stare fixedly at your wallet whilst rubbing pastie into their tracksuit bottoms.

The chavettes are rarely distinguishable from their male counterparts, sporting the same sportswear, caps and argos ‘gold’. However, more advanced chavthropologists may spot the giveaway Winnie the Pooh tattoo or smaller ‘lady’ knife.

Don’t go to Billingham if you can help it. It may cause such a profound depression that you may never recover.

Should be an interesting side trip! Not sure when I'm leaving yet, though.